Whoa, Where Did That Come From?
I had this conversation with my brother Big B last Wednesday and I can't get it out of my head.
My brother and I are really close. We had a messy childhood, lots of people do, but the thing that made it bearable was that we had each other. No matter how many times we moved or got bounced back and forth between our parents, we stayed together. My dad understands and respects our bond. It drives our mother crazy. She's jealous of it and tries, in little ways, to undermine it.
So anyway, we were talking on Wednesday about this upcoming meeting (intervention) we're having with my dad and my uncles and I said I wanted it to be clear that the uncles came to us, we didn't go to them for help. I don't want my dad to feel we betrayed him or plotted behind his back. My brother disagrees because he feels we're beyond the point of caring about Dad's feelings. But I do care about his feelings because I want to continue to have a relationship with him while I got the impression that Big B didn't care about a relationship with Dad.
And basically he agreed that if he never saw either of our parents again, it wouldn't bother him. I think it would but I wasn't going to argue with him. And then he said that he doesn't want me to think badly of him for feeling that way.
Huh? If anyone understands how high maintenance, selfish and downright crazy our parents can be, it's me! When and why would I judge him? Does he feel like I've been judging him?
And he went on to say that he gets really frustrated with me for not cutting our parents out of my life because he hates to watch me get hurt over and over. That I don't seem to learn from experience with them. He doesn't understand why I don't take his advice about them and totally minimize contact with them. Why am I trying to have this great relationship with Dad this late in life and why all of a sudden am I spending more time with Mom, especially when we can see she's reverting to some of her old behaviors.
All I can say is that they are my parents and I am unable to completely walk away from them. I want and need a relationship with them.
Needless to say I'm up .5 pound this week. Ugh!
My brother and I are really close. We had a messy childhood, lots of people do, but the thing that made it bearable was that we had each other. No matter how many times we moved or got bounced back and forth between our parents, we stayed together. My dad understands and respects our bond. It drives our mother crazy. She's jealous of it and tries, in little ways, to undermine it.
So anyway, we were talking on Wednesday about this upcoming meeting (intervention) we're having with my dad and my uncles and I said I wanted it to be clear that the uncles came to us, we didn't go to them for help. I don't want my dad to feel we betrayed him or plotted behind his back. My brother disagrees because he feels we're beyond the point of caring about Dad's feelings. But I do care about his feelings because I want to continue to have a relationship with him while I got the impression that Big B didn't care about a relationship with Dad.
And basically he agreed that if he never saw either of our parents again, it wouldn't bother him. I think it would but I wasn't going to argue with him. And then he said that he doesn't want me to think badly of him for feeling that way.
Huh? If anyone understands how high maintenance, selfish and downright crazy our parents can be, it's me! When and why would I judge him? Does he feel like I've been judging him?
And he went on to say that he gets really frustrated with me for not cutting our parents out of my life because he hates to watch me get hurt over and over. That I don't seem to learn from experience with them. He doesn't understand why I don't take his advice about them and totally minimize contact with them. Why am I trying to have this great relationship with Dad this late in life and why all of a sudden am I spending more time with Mom, especially when we can see she's reverting to some of her old behaviors.
All I can say is that they are my parents and I am unable to completely walk away from them. I want and need a relationship with them.
Needless to say I'm up .5 pound this week. Ugh!
posted by Nichole @ 7:11 AM
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