Things are good

I haven't posted in forever. I come and look at my blog at least once a week but never end up writing anything. Even though I think I should, I don't. And then so much time went by that it seemed like it would be too hard to catch up. Whatever. I'm here today and I'm posting.

I've lost about 15 pounds this year. I keep chipping away at the huge amount of weight I need to lose. My eating is not perfect but it's pretty consistent.

Still riding the stationary bike almost every day. I miss walking and wish my back could handle more of it. The Saint asked if we were going to enter any 5Ks this spring/summer and I was thrilled. We did a few together last year and while he seemed to enjoy them, I never expected that he would volunteer to do it again! So April 15th we're doing the Dewey Dash again.

I got an early birthday present. The Ab Lounge Ultra. We bought it this weekend. There is a maximum weight load and I'm about 25 pound over it. Everyone tells me not to worry about it but I do. My plan was to lose weight and then start using it but I'm really dying to try it. We'll see how long I can hold out.

Dad is doing well. Surprisingly well actually. He had surgery to remove the tumor and part of his colon. He did not need a colostemy bag or radiation and seems to be healing well despite his diabetes. He's still cranky and self centered and I don't expect that will ever change.

Three weeks until my 40th birthday. I'm cool with it. I had planned to be at my goal weight for my birthday and that ain't gonna happen. But the important part is that I'm still trying and I haven't thrown in the towel.

One week in

One week ago today I returned to work after a 2 1/2 week vacation. One week ago today I recommitted to a healthy lifestyle. Let's see how I have done, shall we?

-7 for 7 on the exercise front which means I rode my stationary bike for at least 30 minutes each day

-7 for 7 on tracking my food intake on SparkPeople and no major slipups foodwise

-Lost 1.5 pounds

So what does it all mean? It means I'm still in the honeymoon phase where everything is easy and I'm really enthusiastic and committed. Starting isn't an issue for me. Continuing is. Staying in it for the long haul has always been my problem.

Coping with stress without food is also a problem for me and I have major stress coming up in the next few weeks. I have an accreditation visit coming up in a week and a half at one of my campuses. Those suck and are very stressful but I am determined not to get wrapped up in the hysteria.

The other stress is related to my dad and not so easily managed. He had a colonoscopy 2 days after Christmas and they found "something." They did a biopsy and he's having some other tests this week. On the 18th, the Big B, Dad and I are meeting with the doctor, getting all the test results and deciding on a course of action. The doctor already told Big B and I that regardless of whether Dad has cancer or not, the "something" must be removed along with "a significant portion of his colon." The implications are monumental and life altering and there are so many questions to be answered and details to be worked out that I don't even know where to begin.

So I focus on controlling the only things that I can: my diet and exercise.

Seize the year!

I don't normally send out New Year's cards but my sister-in-law gave me personalized stamps for Christmas that have my cat Devlin on them and I just had to show them off. When I was looking at cards at the store I found one that simply said: 2007. Seize the year.

I don' t know why but that simple statement just struck a chord with me. I think its going to be my motto for the year.

When I started this blog my plan was to reach my goal weight by my 40th brithday. Since that's only 3 months away, I ain't gonna make it. But I can't just give up. I can't throw in the towel. I wish I could just say "Screw it" and live my life happily the way I am today but I cannot.

So I start again with The Saint and his limitless patience by side. I have a plan. I have the tools. All that is left is to do it.

Still around

It's been forever since I posted and I just don't have the energy to discuss the seemingly worldwide conspiracy against my attending a Weight Watchers meeting anytime this month, my father's health, my father-in-law's health, the chaos at work, the fact that it freaking SNOWED here today or the Chicago Bears 5-0 start. So I'm doing this instead:

The ABC's of my life:

A is for age: 39
B is for beer of choice: I don't like beer at all except for Caffrey's
C is for career right now: Library Director
D is for your dog's name: No dogs-just cats
E is for essential item you use everyday: Toothbrush, contacts, my big purple mug
F is for favorite tv show at the moment: Monday Night Football
G is for favorite game: Candyland
H is for Hometown: Evanston, IL
I is for instruments you play: I played the clarinet in grade school and not very well
J is for favorite juice: cranberry
K is for whose butt you'd like to kick: Someone I work with
L is for last place you ate: Gino's East last night with my dad
M is for marriage: Nine years on October 18th
N is for your name: Nichole
O is for overnight hospital stay: August 2001 to have my gallbladder removed
P is for people you were with today: The Saint, my students, co-workers
Q is for quote: "Books are like imprisoned souls til someone takes them down from a shelf and frees them," Samuel Baker
R is for biggest regret: Not losing this weight 20 years ago!
S is for sport: Yes. Seriously, we primarily watch sports in our house.
T is for time you woke up today: 4:20 a.m. because Devlin was hungry
U is for current underwear: Nothing too exotic
V is for vegetable you love: Artichoke
W is for worst habit: Biting my nails when really stressed
X is for x-rays you have had: teeth, chest, knee
Y is for yummy food you ate today: Pretzels
Z is for zodiac: Aries

WTF?

How in the world can it possibly be September 14th? Where oh where has the time gone? It's flown by in a whirlwind of activity: AW's 6th birthday, new term start at school, car troubles, hiring and training new staff, Dad issues, joining my first Fantasy Football league, reading the latest from J.R. Ward, discovering Harlan Coben's books about five years after everyone else and I'm a librarian for crissakes, and spending time with the oh so wonderful Saint.

The food and exercise program were erratic all summer. Being so busy lately has helped because I don't have time to snack and I've been working out of my downtown campus which means I'm walking every day. Today my checkbones made an appearance again!

Along with the cheekbones I noticed today that some really attractive black bags have set up shop under my eyes. Makeup doesn't do much to minimize them. It's the stress and a lot of it is related to my father.

I met with Dad and his doctor about two weeks ago. The doc wants Dad to start walking with a cane. This has as much likelihood of happening as me waking up tomorrow morning weighing 125 lbs. The doc also hit us with the idea of Dad probably being in the early stages of Alzheimer's. And his blood sugar levels, triglycerides and everything else are awful because Dad isn't taking care of himself. Mmmhmmm. Great. Thanks for sharing. Shit.

Dad and The Big B still aren't talking and I don't see that changing anytime soon. B and I are still in contact every day and he still helps me financially with my father and while my uncle would love to set up a reconciliation, for what? My dad isn't going to change and why should B subject himself to the verbal abuse and all the other b.s. that goes along with bieng in contact with our father? Not worth it in my opinion.

Blazin' hot!

Sweet baby Ray, it's been hot here! And unbelieveably humid. I've given up trying to sport any type of professional 'do at work. It's just not possible.

Speaking of work, I need a new job. I am so stressed out at my current job and sick of the bullshit. There are a few possibilities on the horizon. We'll see.

My father called me yesterday. At about 2 p.m. From a bench at the park. No cloud cover, upper 90s, humid as hell and this fool is sitting on a park bench. I understand cabin fever but good gravy man, go out in the early morning or after the sun has set NOT DURING THE HOTTEST PART OF THE DAY! Especially when you're in poor health to begin with. Sheesh!

My 5 year old nephew called me the other night. Just to chat. His birthday is in a few weeks so I asked him what he wanted for his birthday and he said,

"I won't complain about anything you want to buy me. I don't really want clothes but I won't crab about whatever you get me."

That kid cracks me up! I wonder if his mother has been giving him the Be Grateful for Any Presents You Get No Matter What They Are speech.

Time for a change

I had a doctor appointment on the 7th. My weight is about where it was last year at this time. How's THAT for depressing? I seem to be losing and gaining the same 10 pounds over and over again. My blood pressure is up. I got a stern lecture about reducing stress (e.g. my job and the b.s. with my dad) and getting serious about diet and exercise before I either end up diabetic or on high blood pressure medication.

So since the 7th I've exercised like a maniac and stayed perfectly on program, right? HA!!

Why is this so absolutely fucking difficult for me? When I have medical proof that I am harming myself you would think I would get my shit and my discipline together but no! I do the exact opposite.

My doctor also asked me if I was depressed (maybe because I cried through my entire appointment, literally) and gave me a list of "counselors." The list is where I left it-on the floor in the back seat of my car but I hear it calling to me on occasion. For now I'm leaving it where it is.

The White Sox and me. We're in a slump.