I Just Called to Say..You're Doing a Shitty Job
I just got off the phone with my brother. He called to inform me that our uncles want to have a conference call on Thursday night to talk about our dad. I'm pretty sure this means they want to criticize how we've been taking care of our dad for the past 4 years since he had a stroke and we found out he's diabetic.
My dad has no money, never planned for retirement because he thought he'd keep working until he dropped dead. Didn't work out that way and now my brother and I are bearing the financial burden of taking care of him. Just the two of us. My uncles have not offered to help us. Ever. They barely go to see him.
If you met my dad you might not know that he's been ill. The things that are wrong with him are not immediately obvious: can't read anymore, virtually no short term memory, confuses easily, diabetic, poor circulation in his legs. My brother and I had to assume responsiblity for him since he is single although he does live alone, about 5 minutes from my brother. We get him to the doctor. Get his prescriptions refilled. Take him to get his haircut or buy clothes. One of us takes him grocery shopping once a week. We make up whatever financial shortfall there is between his disability and VA benefits.
My dad was not an easy person to get along with before he got sick and the bad parts of his personality have just gotten worse. He wasn't the best dad and there is some resentment, especially on my brother's part, that he has gotten himself into this mess and just expects us to take care of him. He's selfish and wants what he wants regardless of the stress and strain it puts on my brother and me.
Perfect example. When we moved him to his current apartment, we got him a 2 bedroom apartment because that's all that was available in that building. We had to take it because it's the only apartment building in town with an elevator and he needs the elevator. My brother was talking to the building manager before Christmas and a one bedroom in that building is now available. It's over $100 less a month in rent. My dad absolutely refuses to move into it because it overlooks the back parking lot. It's so frustrating because we could use that $100 on something else for him. He just doesn't care about any of that or the stress it causes us.
And we are under a lot of stress. Financial. Emotional. I'd really like to go home right now and crawl into bed. I guess that's better than wanting to go home and eat everything in sight, right? My heart is beating really fast, I'm at work and I just keep telling myself to breathe. Who cares what my uncles think. If I don't like what they have to say, I can just hang up. I know we're doing the best we can.
My brother has worked himself into a total frenzy about this call. He keeps making noises about how he can't take anymore of Dad and he keeps threatening to just walk away. I don't know what I would do if he did that. I cannot do this on my own, not when my dad lives 55 miles away.
My dad has no money, never planned for retirement because he thought he'd keep working until he dropped dead. Didn't work out that way and now my brother and I are bearing the financial burden of taking care of him. Just the two of us. My uncles have not offered to help us. Ever. They barely go to see him.
If you met my dad you might not know that he's been ill. The things that are wrong with him are not immediately obvious: can't read anymore, virtually no short term memory, confuses easily, diabetic, poor circulation in his legs. My brother and I had to assume responsiblity for him since he is single although he does live alone, about 5 minutes from my brother. We get him to the doctor. Get his prescriptions refilled. Take him to get his haircut or buy clothes. One of us takes him grocery shopping once a week. We make up whatever financial shortfall there is between his disability and VA benefits.
My dad was not an easy person to get along with before he got sick and the bad parts of his personality have just gotten worse. He wasn't the best dad and there is some resentment, especially on my brother's part, that he has gotten himself into this mess and just expects us to take care of him. He's selfish and wants what he wants regardless of the stress and strain it puts on my brother and me.
Perfect example. When we moved him to his current apartment, we got him a 2 bedroom apartment because that's all that was available in that building. We had to take it because it's the only apartment building in town with an elevator and he needs the elevator. My brother was talking to the building manager before Christmas and a one bedroom in that building is now available. It's over $100 less a month in rent. My dad absolutely refuses to move into it because it overlooks the back parking lot. It's so frustrating because we could use that $100 on something else for him. He just doesn't care about any of that or the stress it causes us.
And we are under a lot of stress. Financial. Emotional. I'd really like to go home right now and crawl into bed. I guess that's better than wanting to go home and eat everything in sight, right? My heart is beating really fast, I'm at work and I just keep telling myself to breathe. Who cares what my uncles think. If I don't like what they have to say, I can just hang up. I know we're doing the best we can.
My brother has worked himself into a total frenzy about this call. He keeps making noises about how he can't take anymore of Dad and he keeps threatening to just walk away. I don't know what I would do if he did that. I cannot do this on my own, not when my dad lives 55 miles away.
posted by Nichole @ 8:00 AM
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