Parents

I love my parents. I do. Despite their craziness and despite my fucked up childhood, I love them. But they're very needy and I don't know if it's because I'm the girl child, the oldest, a sucker, good hearted, or because my brother is aloof, I'm the one they cling to. Here's an example from this weekend:

Friday: lunch with Mom (and brother)
Saturday: Grocery shopping with Dad, one phone call from Dad
Sunday: 3 phone calls from Dad, 2 phone calls from Mom

My mom is very lonely. For years my stepfather has been working as consultant and so during the week he works out of town and then comes home on the weekends. She hates that he's gone but loves the lifestyle his salary affords them. This week he came home late Friday night and had to leave at 8am Sunday morning to go to a conference in Raleigh so they barely got to spend any time together. Which put my mom in a funk despite her antidepressants.

So what started out as getting together for dinner this week has turned into my sleeping over at her house on Wednesday. We'll go out to dinner and then come home and play endless games of Yahtzee and perhaps even one game of Scrabble. Not that it won't be fun but I'm 38 years old. I have a house and a husband. Cats.

But then I feel guilty because I've committted to going to my dad's every other weekend and I'm sure my mom would love it if I got together with her every other week. Should I try to do that? Maybe not sleep over every time but set aside one night every two weeks to spend with her? Especially because I know she's often sad and lonely and loves to spend time with me?

I guess the question I need to answer is whether I would be doing it because I want to spend time with her or if I'm doing it to try to "fix" things for her. I tend to be a fixer which often lets me ignore my own problems while focusing on someone else's so I have to be careful not to fall into that trap especially when I should be focusing on my health and fitness efforts.