Tired of food

Last night, after work, I went to the grocery store. I had made really bad food choices all day and was feeling fat, full and just generally in a funk. The mere thought of buying food seemed disgusting but necessary so there I was, aimlessly wandering the aisles. I had a list with me but I had vague things written on it like "stuff for lunches."

Without really thinking about what I was doing, I started piling items in the cart: Granny Smith apples, cherry tomatoes, orange bell peppers, tuna, salmon, Melba toast. I bypassed the cookies and chips, even the reduced fat variety. When I looked down at my cart it struck me that what I had been throwing stuff in my cart screamed "light" food to me: no bananas, no potatoes, no beef, no Triscuits, nothing "heavy." I had this need to lighten my diet, my spirit and my body. It was a weird revelation to have in the middle of Cub Foods and I don' t know how to explain it other than I'm tired of feeling heavy and weighed down by fat and the neverending, constant fucking stress of being fat, being on a diet, being insecure about how I look, constantly obsessing about what I just ate and what I'm going to eat next and all that crap that goes with being fat and on a diet. Ugh.

The Saint and I had a long talk about it when I got home and I didn't do a really good job of articulating what I've been feeling but I think he got the gist of it and long story short, I'm big time back on my program. And as The Saint, who knows me so well said, "Starting right now. No putting it off until Monday, or until after your period is over or until after the holidays or whatever other excuse you can come up with. Now."

And then I read this blog today and the author seemed to capture exactly how I've been feeling and she wrote two things in particular that really struck a chord with me:

"I was tired of food." This was exactly how I felt yesterday.

"Your body is your responsibility." Too bad my body got such a crappy owner.
************************************************************************************

The niece (RM) and the nephew (AW) are spending the weekend with us. I can't wait! Tomorrow we're taking them to the Pumpkin Festival at Blackberry Farm. We're going to freeze our asses off but it'll be fun. The train will be running and it takes visitors over to the pumpkin patch where you can pick out a pumpkin for "a small fee." And not only will the munchkins be in residence but Little Guy, the in-law's cat, is at our place too. Talk about a mad house.
************************************************************************************

Usually we don't strictly enforce bedtime when the kids stay with us but we will be this Saturday night. It's Game One of the World Series. Houston vs. Chicago. In Chicago. I don't think I'll really believe it's happening until the first pitch because I never thought this would happen in my lifetime. But it is! And I'm totally nauseated, thrilled, anxious and excited.


Let's go, Go-Go White Sox
We're with you all the way
You're always in there fighting and you do your best
We're glad to have you out here in the middle west
We're gonna root root root root White Sox
And cheer you on to victory
When we're in the stands we'll make those rafters ring
All through the season you will hear us sing
Let's go, Go-Go White Sox
Chicago is proud of you
White Sox White Sox Go, go White Sox
Root root root for the White Sox
We'll cheer you on to victory
When we're in the stands we'll make those rafters ring
All through the season you will hear us sing
Let's go, Go-Go White Sox
Chicago is proud of you
White Sox White Sox Go, go White Sox
Let's go, Go-Go White Sox
Chicago is proud of you

"Let's Go, Go-Go White Sox" was written by Chicago natives Walter "Lil Wally" Jagiello and the late Al Trace in 1959 as a tribute to their favorite team.