Prison of my own making

Every once in a while my mom and I have a girls' night during the week. My stepfather is a consultant and right now he's working out of state during the week and only comes home on the weekends. My mom gets lonely so I try to spend time with her. We go out to dinner and then back to her place to play endless rounds of Yahtzee or Scrabble and I sleep over. The Saint ususally has dinner with his parents when I'm out with my mom.

Anyway, I'm hanging out with my mom tonight and the first thought that went through my mind was "I'm free! I can eat whatever I want tonight because only mom and I will know and she won't say anything."

What is THAT all about? Free from what? I always have choices when it comes to food. Every minute of every day what I eat is my decision. My choice whether I am alone or in a crowd. My choice whether I am at home or in a restaurant. My choice to be on or off program.

If I continue to view my food and exercise program as a prison to be escaped at every opportunity, I will never be successful. I have to want to be here. I have to believe in what I'm doing. I have to choose a healthy lifestyle. Not in a superficial way. Not only when someone is watching me. Not because my doctor, DH, or friends want me to. Because I want to!

If I don't change the inside I have no hope of ever changing the outside.
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Gearing up for the 5K on Saturday. I'm really looking forward to it! We've had so much rain lately but right now it looks like it will be sunny and in the 60s for the race. Woot! The Saint has not been working out at all lately so it will be interesting to see how he does.