Pity Party
If you saw a fat, blonde woman in a black Sentra, flying down I-355 at about 6:50 am this morning, windows down, the Scorpions' "No One Like You" blaring, that was me. Hope I didn't scare you. I was trying to banish my leftover blues, hoping they would be swept out of me and the car by the wind and loud music. And it worked. Pretty much.
Yesterday I read an awesome post by Jonathan titled "I believe" and it was like this huge lightbulb went on for me. I have been so big picturing things in the health and fitness arena that I haven't been paying attention to the work that needs to be done on a daily basis. I kind of knew I had been doing that but didn't really know how counterproductive it was or how to fix it. Even focusing on one day at a time is beyond me right now. I need to break it down into even smaller increments. Like how can I stay on plan for the next hour or two.
I seem to be doing ok with long term planning and goals with my walking. I'm cool with that but my eating! Woo man. I think I've mentioned that I feel out of control at worst and inconsistent at best. So no more looking down the road for me. No more focusing on my goal weight or even weekly goals. In fact, I may just stop weighing myself all together for the time being. Yeah, right!
Anyway, today I am going to focus on just getting through one hour at a time. For one hour can I stay away vending machines, or the doughnuts in the Education Office or the candy in Financial Aid? Maybe. Maybe not.
And this self doubt, wishy-washiness, lack of willpower or whatever it is that is making losing weight so damn hard for me, really depressed me last night and hence, the pity party. I still hit the treadmill for 30 minutes, called my dad, did 2 loads of laundry, cooked dinner, and made my lunch for today but, I was in bed, remote in hand, by 7:30 last night.
I was too depressed to read (a rarity, believe me) and The Saint was holed up in his office, the sounds of Led Zeppelin leaking under the closed door. I flipped back and forth between the Saints-Patriots game, "Man with the Golden Gun" and bad music videos on "We Are The 80s." I actually watched the horrible video for Donna Summer's "She Works Hard for the Money" followed by the equally horrendous Pointer Sisters' "I'm so Excited." I even sat through an Icicle Works video. Yikes.
The Saint, sensing my mood, joined me at around 9 and gave me an awesome backrub. He has the strongest hands and gives the best rubs! He's also going with me to my dad's tonight and taking us all out to dinner. That way I won't have to go up there Saturday morning and I can stay home, finish the laundry and do some cleaning before our nephew AW comes for a sleepover.
So long story short, I have a new focus, I'm feeling better and it's FRIDAY!!!
Best of all, my mid morning snack is only 42 minutes away.
Yesterday I read an awesome post by Jonathan titled "I believe" and it was like this huge lightbulb went on for me. I have been so big picturing things in the health and fitness arena that I haven't been paying attention to the work that needs to be done on a daily basis. I kind of knew I had been doing that but didn't really know how counterproductive it was or how to fix it. Even focusing on one day at a time is beyond me right now. I need to break it down into even smaller increments. Like how can I stay on plan for the next hour or two.
I seem to be doing ok with long term planning and goals with my walking. I'm cool with that but my eating! Woo man. I think I've mentioned that I feel out of control at worst and inconsistent at best. So no more looking down the road for me. No more focusing on my goal weight or even weekly goals. In fact, I may just stop weighing myself all together for the time being. Yeah, right!
Anyway, today I am going to focus on just getting through one hour at a time. For one hour can I stay away vending machines, or the doughnuts in the Education Office or the candy in Financial Aid? Maybe. Maybe not.
And this self doubt, wishy-washiness, lack of willpower or whatever it is that is making losing weight so damn hard for me, really depressed me last night and hence, the pity party. I still hit the treadmill for 30 minutes, called my dad, did 2 loads of laundry, cooked dinner, and made my lunch for today but, I was in bed, remote in hand, by 7:30 last night.
I was too depressed to read (a rarity, believe me) and The Saint was holed up in his office, the sounds of Led Zeppelin leaking under the closed door. I flipped back and forth between the Saints-Patriots game, "Man with the Golden Gun" and bad music videos on "We Are The 80s." I actually watched the horrible video for Donna Summer's "She Works Hard for the Money" followed by the equally horrendous Pointer Sisters' "I'm so Excited." I even sat through an Icicle Works video. Yikes.
The Saint, sensing my mood, joined me at around 9 and gave me an awesome backrub. He has the strongest hands and gives the best rubs! He's also going with me to my dad's tonight and taking us all out to dinner. That way I won't have to go up there Saturday morning and I can stay home, finish the laundry and do some cleaning before our nephew AW comes for a sleepover.
So long story short, I have a new focus, I'm feeling better and it's FRIDAY!!!
Best of all, my mid morning snack is only 42 minutes away.
posted by Nichole @ 6:27 AM
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